Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Who approved this?

C and I are discussing the idea of getting a camper to tow behind the truck.  This would allow for more affordable and accessible vacations, with the bonus of avoiding flying (and the added stress and financial bullshit).  I think we'd be able to avoid flying for the most part...unless, of course, we were to go overseas.

When greeted by the prospect of that x-ray machine, which has a sole purpose of giving the agent at the screen either wank material or a case of the giggles, I know I'd opt for the pat-down.  That should be safer and less humiliating, right?

Maybe not.

 Now I'm facing a dilemma.  I know that I have at least one trip in my future that involves flying.  When dealing with the pat-down from hell, should I:
  1. Act overly excited before being touched by the officer, moan and groan like I'm enjoying it too much, then ask them to continue/keep going/do it harder when they're getting close to the end?
  2. Close my eyes, "lie back, and think of England?"
  3. Scream (loudly) about bad touches in my no-no places, followed by hysterical crying?
I'm torn.

At least guys have a great way of making the agents uncomfortable:

(click to embiggen)


Mike W. said...

I vote for #1.

Given Breda's experiences I'd glad that I'm not a woman and rarely fly.

Also, I don't know why but the secondary screening "pat downs" I've received have been pretty poor. (yet I constantly get pulled over for secondaries)

The story Breda linked to here really pissed me off (I wish that post hadn't been taken down)


Laura said...

Yeah, Breda's experiences had me horrified before now...but this? Should we all pre-lube ourselves to make the searches that much easier for the agents?

Frankly, I think every man getting on an airplane should pop a Viagra before getting to the airport.* If the TSA is going to make the general populace uncomfortable, they might as well get that reciprocated.

*I just added that comic to the post.

Mike W. said...

Shit, might as well show up naked if they're going to feel you up.

The sad thing is that we brought this on ourselves.

Imagine having to go through this to bet on a city bus, subway or taxi. Why the fuck are we putting up with it for air travel?

What pisses me off most is that so many folks are "OK" with it just because the government is doing it "for our own good." If some stranger who wasn't a government agent felt you up like that he'd be charged with a crime.

DrThreevil said...

Wow....the TSA really do think they're the superpolice. I'm sorry but beyond a standard frisk, agents are just groping you. No I don't want explosives or weapons on the plane either, yet they still find their way on, with or without the TSA.

Frankly, I'll play devil's advocate for a minute. Let's say the TSA is actually telling the truth that this is against policy and that they train their employees against such things. Fine.....then require that all TSA employees have quarterly polygraphs to ensure they are not abusing their power.

There is no excuse for this madness.

Mike W. said...

If the TSA Agents were all Angelina Jolie clones would you object?

Becca Jane St Clair said...

Lie back and think of England! And then, come visit us! ;)

Unknown said...

you could get some of those Kegel exercise things...
I haven't flown since all of this crap, but I've considered showing up at the airport in a latex bodysuit if I ever have to fly again.
Hmm. If you showed up looking like a dominatrix, do you think they'd waive you through?

Unknown said...

We went to a concert where a lady security officer felt me up. I wondered if I should have lit up afterwards. She totally copped the goods!

ParaPacem said...

Lte to the party as always. Still, two thoughts for those who will always opt for the x-ray / peeping Tom option:
1. Ladies should wear a discreet strap-on, just large enough to show up and discourage further peeping. I suggest the Barney Frank size, approx. 2 inches in length.
2. Gentlemen should always wear an XL size Depends adult diaper; before getting in line, the diaper should be filled with unwrapped Tootsie Rolls, the five inch long size. These should allow rapid movement through the line.
If estreme speed is the goal, wrap a towel around your head, wear a bathrobe and perhaps a fake beard, and chant, Death to America, Hooray for 9=11, Explode the great Satan, death to all capitalist pigs.
The agents will bow and scrape, carry your luggage, kiss your arse and escort you to the First Class section right away.
It's in the TSA rule book.

allah fubar,