Attention locals: get your TP casseroles ready!

The panic is strong with this storm. As Hurricane Sandy slowly works her way toward land, newscasters and locals are panicking. The Mayor has already declared a state of emergency. Those of us who prep for things like this regularly are ready for Sandy, but there's one thing left for us to do.

We have to make our TP casseroles. Normally this is a winter-only recipe, but with the amount of panic I'm seeing around here, I think we can adapt it for hurricanes.

Reposted with permission, and with my edits in bold.

1 Forecast of at least 1 FRANKENSTORM
3 cups of Baltimore News Channel Reporter and TV Crew
3 tbsp of panic
1 closed school system (prior to the storm)
1" of rain, with significant wind
1 gal 2% milk
Doz & 1/2 large eggs
1 full loaf of Wonder Bread (white preferred)
1 Charmin value pack (8 rolls)

Take one mixing bowl and place the Baltimore TV weatherman's forecast of a high risk of FRANKENSTORM on the 6 PM evening news. Watch this newscast until you hear the word "storm," "wind gusts," or "FRANKENSTORM" repeated at least 6 times. At which point we then shake in 1 cup of the Baltimore News Channel Reporter & TV Crew doing live shots before one drop of water can even be seen. This live shot may include canned footage of newscasters looking out to sea for their elusive ratings.

At this point, take one of the 3 tbsp of panic and use it in the mixing bowl of sensationalism. Go to bed, and let the mixture percolate in the fridge over night. At 5am the next morning, arise from bed and check the local news to see that the TV crews are still indeed doing their live shots from last night. If they are, turn on your AM radio to 1090. If at least one school system has closed, look out your window to confirm no rain has hit the ground. At this point, mix in the 2nd tbsp of panic, wake and dress the kiddies so you can get them ready to go to the store.

While at the store, head straight for the diary case first. Eggs and milk are the first things to be picked over, followed by bread. Toilet paper will be the last product to be picked over of the four main ingredients. Do not purchase any other products as this will prevent the casserole from being adequately formed. Use the express lines in the grocery store, and chat with as many people as possible about the yet to occur storm in hopes you will induce enough panic to cause your sensationalism to build to ludicrous speed.

Exit the store to head home, but if you would happen to see any TV crews, make sure you stop and talk with them, mentioning the fact that you were fortunate enough to be the last person to get any of the key ingredients to make your casserole. Safe guard these items with your life because if they should be stolen, your life will most certainly come to a screeching, panic induced end.

Once at home, retrieve your mixing bowl from the fridge and let warm. Once the TV crews report the first drop has hit the ground, you can then mix in 3cups of milk, and your remaining tbsp of panic. Crack open 2 large eggs and place the remainder in the fridge. Fold in one roll of toilet paper and 4 slices of bread. Mix thoroughly until well blended.

Poor mixture into one medium sized casserole dish (preferably Pyrex) and let bake @ 350 degrees until the end of the storm.

Servings are variable by nature, and not known to contain any nutritious qualities.

Oh, and don't forget your pallets of water.

What are you talking about Noob?

Much like the world of FPS(First Person Shooter) gaming, a gun noob is greeted in similar unfriendly fashion. Name your forum; the first post goes something like this.

Noob: “Hi I was thinking about getting a “blank” and I don’t know much about them. Can you tell me “this, that. and the other?”

This post is usually answered by the various stereotypes we encounter as gun enthusiasts, some make me cringe, some make me scratch my head, and some I just laugh. Could the Noob soften this first encounter by doing more research? Yes. Should he or she have to? Not really. The forum members could just point this Noob to a previous thread or give a basic answer, but they’ve all got to chime in.

Internet expert: “Use the search button noob, it’s at the top.”

Fudd: “what do you want that for? You can’t hunt anything with it. This is a much better choice and it has a wood stock or camo.” (you’ll notice there’s no questions about what does noob want it to do, or why did he or she pick that one.)

Mall Ninja: “I don’t think that’s an HK. Only HK’s will do that. Get this HK and make sure it’s got this laundry list of too totally tacti-cool stuff on it (This one speaks for itself, is usually amusing, but not really helpful.)

Resident curmudgeon NRA lifer: “You’d better get one quick, they’re going to ban those soon. Did you know they are taking your right to own that away. Buy it quick they are coming for it.” (Again the noob must be scratching his or her head at this, wondering what this person is talking about.)

Good old boy, gun know it all: “Yea I had one of those it’s a piece of crap. Buy a S&W instead. Those other companies just make junk. “ (ok sort of helpful, but not really. This person could help but will not volunteer anything and will need to be interrogated to get useful information.)

Ex-mil guy: Does that have an ACOG on it? or an Eotech? We always used those. The other ones are crappy knock offs and the sand gets in em. (ok here I’m just not sure. Could he help? Probably. Will he pay attention and actually answer the question asked? Probably not.

Survival Dude/Prepper: “You can’t carry enough ammo for that in your BOB(Bug Out Bag). It’s not my first choice, well maybe it would be, if you did this to it. Make sure you get some paracord to make a sling for it. Wait I think I heard someone at the door” (this guy is usually a fountain of knowledge. You’ll have to wade through what he or she knows to get what you want though. )

Elitist Sporter: Why would you want that? An over under is what you need, like this one (links to $15k shotgun) At least get a Benelli. ( This guy is not going to understand you unless you are interested in the one thing he’s interested in. Even then you probably can’t afford or are looking for what he suggests)

And our newest stereotype to add to the gang…

Zombie Fighter: “Can you put a chainsaw bayonet on it?” (this guy’s in it for fun, he’ll probably have a lot of geeky knowledge you can access, but he’ll usually be sarcastic and take himself way too seriously.)

These are most but, probably not all the usual stereotypes of gun owners we’ll run into. I think they’re easier to pick out online and stereotype than in person, and shame on you if you do it in real life. You may see yourself in one, or more than one of them or see nothing at all. I certainly fit in multiple categories depending on how geeky I’m feeling that day. The difference between this greeting and the online FPS world is that said Noob will eventually get better at playing the game, and will garner some respect from the other players. There will be pwnage on occasion. In the forum environment; however, that respect will never really be given, and the Noob will probably move on. It’s a “good ole boy club”. Just when we need some fresh meat they’re chasing them away, like this noob is part of the Scooby Kids trying to crack their secret club. I ask after reading this you look at your behavior. Do you do the above? Could you be more helpful? Would it really be hard to do so? Could you cut noobs more slack? Try and inject some fun, be an ambassador and point them in the right direction, or will you shake your proverbial fist and tell them to get off your lawn? I’m not one to be positive all the time. I’m a smart ass not a cheerleader, but I’m going to try and help those noobs, that is, after I get this last headshot.