Tuesday, February 8, 2011

What are you talking about Noob?

Much like the world of FPS(First Person Shooter) gaming, a gun noob is greeted in similar unfriendly fashion. Name your forum; the first post goes something like this.

Noob: “Hi I was thinking about getting a “blank” and I don’t know much about them. Can you tell me “this, that. and the other?”

This post is usually answered by the various stereotypes we encounter as gun enthusiasts, some make me cringe, some make me scratch my head, and some I just laugh. Could the Noob soften this first encounter by doing more research? Yes. Should he or she have to? Not really. The forum members could just point this Noob to a previous thread or give a basic answer, but they’ve all got to chime in.

Internet expert: “Use the search button noob, it’s at the top.”

Fudd: “what do you want that for? You can’t hunt anything with it. This is a much better choice and it has a wood stock or camo.” (you’ll notice there’s no questions about what does noob want it to do, or why did he or she pick that one.)

Mall Ninja: “I don’t think that’s an HK. Only HK’s will do that. Get this HK and make sure it’s got this laundry list of too totally tacti-cool stuff on it (This one speaks for itself, is usually amusing, but not really helpful.)

Resident curmudgeon NRA lifer: “You’d better get one quick, they’re going to ban those soon. Did you know they are taking your right to own that away. Buy it quick they are coming for it.” (Again the noob must be scratching his or her head at this, wondering what this person is talking about.)

Good old boy, gun know it all: “Yea I had one of those it’s a piece of crap. Buy a S&W instead. Those other companies just make junk. “ (ok sort of helpful, but not really. This person could help but will not volunteer anything and will need to be interrogated to get useful information.)

Ex-mil guy: Does that have an ACOG on it? or an Eotech? We always used those. The other ones are crappy knock offs and the sand gets in em. (ok here I’m just not sure. Could he help? Probably. Will he pay attention and actually answer the question asked? Probably not.

Survival Dude/Prepper: “You can’t carry enough ammo for that in your BOB(Bug Out Bag). It’s not my first choice, well maybe it would be, if you did this to it. Make sure you get some paracord to make a sling for it. Wait I think I heard someone at the door” (this guy is usually a fountain of knowledge. You’ll have to wade through what he or she knows to get what you want though. )

Elitist Sporter: Why would you want that? An over under is what you need, like this one (links to $15k shotgun) At least get a Benelli. ( This guy is not going to understand you unless you are interested in the one thing he’s interested in. Even then you probably can’t afford or are looking for what he suggests)

And our newest stereotype to add to the gang…

Zombie Fighter: “Can you put a chainsaw bayonet on it?” (this guy’s in it for fun, he’ll probably have a lot of geeky knowledge you can access, but he’ll usually be sarcastic and take himself way too seriously.)

These are most but, probably not all the usual stereotypes of gun owners we’ll run into. I think they’re easier to pick out online and stereotype than in person, and shame on you if you do it in real life. You may see yourself in one, or more than one of them or see nothing at all. I certainly fit in multiple categories depending on how geeky I’m feeling that day. The difference between this greeting and the online FPS world is that said Noob will eventually get better at playing the game, and will garner some respect from the other players. There will be pwnage on occasion. In the forum environment; however, that respect will never really be given, and the Noob will probably move on. It’s a “good ole boy club”. Just when we need some fresh meat they’re chasing them away, like this noob is part of the Scooby Kids trying to crack their secret club. I ask after reading this you look at your behavior. Do you do the above? Could you be more helpful? Would it really be hard to do so? Could you cut noobs more slack? Try and inject some fun, be an ambassador and point them in the right direction, or will you shake your proverbial fist and tell them to get off your lawn? I’m not one to be positive all the time. I’m a smart ass not a cheerleader, but I’m going to try and help those noobs, that is, after I get this last headshot.


Mike W. said...

I laughed only because this is so true.

Unfortunately I think much of it is typical behavior on online forums (not just gun forums either)It's a million times worse if the noob poster is female.

I do think we can be too quick to judge noobs, especially online where you just don't have the same interpersonal communication. I know I've been guilty on that front.

Laura said...

Female noob = TITS OR GTFO.

And, you know, good luck getting anything reasonable out of anyone once they figure out you're female. Why do you think I sat in gender neutral anonymity here for 2 years?

Mike W. said...

Heh, remember what the car forums were like? Girl?!! and she likes cars?! Drool, drool, drool.

I find some gun forums to be a hell of a lot better than car forums though, or maybe I'm just used to Sigforum.

The "Zombie Fighter" totally reminds me of Jay G.

Laura said...

The only gun forum I visit is the local one, and they're not QUITE as bad.

NotClauswitz said...

I LOL'd because of the NRA-Lifer is so like the guys in my club. In the dirtbike forum on Usenet chicks also had it rough, but a few prevailed. We had actual rides together and broke down barriers and smug that way.